“I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”
“The nights I don’t sleep it’s because there’s a higher calling telling me to stand guard.”
“I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it once your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”
“The last time I took drugs I probably took more that anyone could survive. I was banging seven gram rocks because that’s how I roll, I have one speed, go. I'm different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man. Dying's for fools, dying's for amateurs.”
“Awesome. Awesome. Top Gun rockstar. Awesome.”
“I closed my eyes and made it so with the power of my mind, and unlearned 22 years of fiction … the fiction of AA. It’s a silly book written by a broken-down fool.”
“They'll wake up one day and realize how cool dad is. And, you know, signs all the checks on the front, not the back. And you know, we need him and we need his wisdom and his bitchin'-ness."
"I think the honesty not only shines through in my work, but also my personal life. And I get in trouble for being honest. I'm extremely old-fashioned. I'm a nobleman. I'm chivalrous."
"I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a 7-year-old. That's how I describe myself."
"It's perfect. It's awesome. Every day is just filled with just wins. All we do is put wins in the record books. We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it's scary. People say it's lonely at the top, but I sure like the view."